When Forgiving Doesn’t Release the Pain
by Dr. Rickey A. Nation
As a Temperament Counselor, many people have shared painful and hurtful relationships, situations, circumstances and events with me. I have often cried as I have listened to their stories. Most of these people have chosen God’s path of freedom- forgiveness. However, it is not easy to forgive when the pain is deep.
Forgiveness defined:
Forgiveness means “to cover,” “to lift away,” “to send away,” or “to send forth.”
“I have been hurt by their actions,” he remarked. I said “have you forgiven them?” He states,
“Yes, but it continues to hurt.”
You Will Discover:
Why the pain remains when forgiveness has been exercised. “I don’t understand it. I forgave them on several different occasions. Why is the pain not gone?”, he asks. “I thought forgiveness would remove the pain,” he further comments.
The Origin of Forgiveness:
All true forgiveness must start with the Cross. The Cross is God’s expression of love to humanity through forgiveness of sins. How did Jesus forgive? He bore the consequences of our sin/ wrong doing. He death was substitutionary. He substituted His perfect, sinless-life for our sins. What an example? Therefore, all forgiveness is substitutionary.
Principles Associated With This Conflict:
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Forgiveness must be felt in the heart/emotions and then given to God. He will then “lift them away.” It does not matter if it is sin or woundedness from others.
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All forgiveness lives with the consequences of the wrong that has been caused. An example will illustrate. Someone drinks and drives. He wrecks and caused someone to be permanently disabled. The person can forgive the driver, but remains disabled.
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Before the pain is removed, the emotions must be accessed and the pain felt and given to God.
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An example prayer: “Lord, I forgive (person’s name) for (actions committed). Even though it made me feel (get in touch with the emotions and release them to God). I now release them into Your hands and ask You to bless them with forgiveness as You have me. In Jesus Name, amen.”
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Ask others to help you, if needed. If not able to forgive at this deep level on your own, it is a good indication that you need to help of a counselor equipped in helping individuals with great emotional pain.
Discovering the Truth That Frees:
If you are having trouble getting in touch with your pain, talk to a trusted friend, pastor or Christian Counselor.
Resources to Further Aid You:
- “Victory Over the Darkness”
- “The Bondage Breaker”
These books are by best-selling author Dr. Neil Anderson
