God Is Not Angry With Me
I have always thought I had to be perfect in order to receive God’s love. But He loves me just the way I am. He accepts me. For the first time I can feel his love and acceptance. I will not allow my self-image of my past to control my future. Other people may see my faults but God sees beyond them. I now realize that God is not mad at me because I am not perfect. He loves me because I’m reaching out and wanting to change.
I will never worry again about displeasing someone else, or being rejected by others. God is all that matters. He is the one I need to be living for. I also don’t want to be anyone, but myself. God created me to be me and I will never be happy trying to be someone else.
I have told you that I always felt different from everyone else. It’s because God made me to be different. God has been waiting for me to look to Him for answers and direction, not running to and depending on other people. I can learn from others, but He wants me to look to Him.
I realize that I may fail at some things in this life, but if I trust God He will take those failures and help me to learn from them. I am going to be a winner, more than a conqueror. I will not be defeated by mistakes, but I will learn from them. God wants me to do the best I can. He loves me even when I make a mistake. If He didn’t where would I be today. God is taking all the bad things that have happened to me and turning it into good. Satan tried to use them to sour my attitude toward life and people. I was trapped in my past, because I never believed I had a future. But God has a great future for me.
I have been coming to Abundant Life Christian Counselling Services for four months and I felt like nothing was changing. But God has done many miracles in my life. I am not giving up! I have made up my mind to not be a quitter. I am going to open up and let God completely into my life to heal every area.
I may have weaknesses, but God has strength. I may fail, but God is faithful. I am going to be all God wants me to be. Not half or three quarters, but all He created me to be. I can’t believe that I have lived in depression for so many years. I was looking at people for love and happiness and no one could fill that void in my life. But God has filled it. I have had a desire for a mother for so long, it was such an aching that I couldn’t explain it. It’s GONE! The little girl is GONE! I feel myself growing and reaching out to God.
I realize that God has so much in store for me. In Isaiah 43:19 it says, “Behold I am doing good a new thing.” God wants to do new things in my life. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “His plans are of good not evil, to give me a future and a hope.” I have never seen me any different than how I have always been. But it’s like I see through different eyes. I see hope and a great future. No matter what happened in my past, it’s over. He has good things planned for my future.
I was reading about Adam and Eve. We are created in God’s image and likeness. Image means a direct reflection of who He is. Likeness means to act like God. Adam forfeited everything that God gave him. No one can take from us what God gives us. We have to give it up. That was what I was doing. But we are to act like God. He is not defeated or barely getting by, God is a winner.
I have been looking in a mirror all these years and seeing my past, what I used to be. But in 2 Corinthians 5:17 we are a new creation in Christ, old things have passed away. I have allowed my past to label me as who I am. I had such a hard time praying before, but I have prayed every night. It has been unreal. I don’t have to be something that I’m not with God. I just have to be me. I know things are not always going to be easy and I may get hurt or rejected many times. But I have to stop and remember that God is there for me and He accepts me. I am making my mind up to serve God through it all. When things come my way I want to use them to learn by and bring me closer to Christ.
The verse in Isaiah 66:13 that you gave me, helped me so much. I don’t see God as a mother, but I know the desire I have had for a mother’s love. A mother’s love is unconditional and honest. Through that verse I have seen how much He really loves me.
I know now that it is ok to cry and show weakness. I have tried so hard for many years to be strong and it didn’t get me anywhere. But as I came to Abundant Life, I was able to show my weakness and through that God has started healing me. When things bother me or hurt me, I am going to cry out to God. Only He can heal those hurts. I have tried to live my life as being other people. It’s ok to admire people, but I have to be myself.
I know I have so much to work on in my life. But God will help me. I don’t need that mother anymore, no one could love me like God does. I have a strong desire to help others. When God says it’s time, I want to go through training at Abundant Life to be a counselor. I want to help others and share Christ with them. He is our true Healer. I know God has called me, I have known this for a very long time, but I always thought I wasn’t good enough. But now I know that I can be all He wants me to be.
Tammy, I love you and Abundant Life. I will never forget the love you and Dr. Nation showed me, the time you’ve spent and the things you have taught me. Abundant Life will be a part of my testimony to all people that God put in my life to help. Thank you so much for giving your life to help others by leading others to Christ. I don’t know where I would be today if you hadn’t made that choice. Just to think back in January I wanted to die. But because of two people who devoted their lives to help others by leading them to Christ, the true Healer, I am alive today with a future of helping others to know that there is healing for everything they have ever had to face.
I want to always be a part of Abundant Life Christian Counselling Services. No matter where God leads me in my life, I will always share it with you. I want you and Dr. Nation to always be a part in what God is doing in my life. I want to thank you and Dr. Nation for all your prayers. I will have the Abundant Life that your ministry is all about. God bless you and give you all you need to keep your ministry alive. I pray that God will supply everything you need. I love you!