Steps to Saving Your Marriage
By: Dr. Rickey A. Nation, Ph.D.

Do you think your marriage is over? Does it seem hopeless to even try? Then consider trying the following while praying and trusting God to heal what’s wrong in the relationship. After several years of counseling experience, in addition to formal personal training, I believe there are several key ingredients to winning back your spouse. But, there are three that I want to address: 1) respecting your spouses’ space and need to deal with problems on their own, 2) work on problem areas in your own life, and 3) doing the right thing.

First, if separated respect your spouses space and need to deal with problems on their own. Of all the men I have had the privilege of counseling while separated, only one has taken my advice of “respecting the space of their spouse.” The other men have sent flowers every day, phoned every day, or left love letters on their spouses’ car or door step only to discover this act of trying to win their spouse back only further separated them. Why? Because this does not respect the original request of “space and time.” Also, it sends the message of “I still have not changed because I am not honoring your request or considering your thoughts on the matter.” Second, begin to work on how and where you have failed God in your marriage.

Recently, a married couple came to our Counseling Center to seek help in resolving their struggles. The husband was quick to inform me he had been a good husband. He provided for his wife, took her places, and occasionally bought her items. However, I asked him if he loved his wife as “Christ also loved the church, and have himself for it”: (Eph. 5:25). He was shocked by my question but responded honestly by saying “no.” I commended him for the right things he had done in the past, but I admonished this dear husband to ask God to help him to love his wife as he should. He got on his knees in my office and confessed to God his sin of not loving his wife and began immediately to start loving her as he should by studying and applying how God loves each of us. Third, continue to do right even if the marriage looks as if it will end in divorce. If children are involved continue seeing them. If employed, continue working. If you are a
Christian continue seeking God for help. If not a Christian, seek to discover the wonderful joy of unconditional love, acceptance, and the blessings of forgiveness. By continuing to do right, you are not making the problem worse. I have seen God heal marriages that seemed impossible to
repair-- God can do the same for your marriage because “...in all these things we are more than
conquers through him that loved us.” (Romans 8:37).

Obviously, these thoughts are not exhaustive on this topic. I could write a book on “How to Save Your Marriage” and may do so someday, but I have given three suggestions of “respecting your spouse’s space,” “work on the problem areas of your life,” and “always do the right thing” that if followed will give you a greater chance of Saving Your Marriage. May God bless and keep you my precious friend.

“Marriage is Honorable in All . . . ” Hebrews 13:4